


escape velocity

by Carlosaphina



Series: Broken [2]
Category: Star Trek
Genre: (hopefully), Angst with a Happy Ending, Confusion, I Love My Boys Too Much To Let Them Suffer, Misunderstandings, no one knows what happened
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:21:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23573800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carlosaphina/pseuds/Carlosaphina
Summary: Jim and Spock broke up (occurs after broken is my normal). They are both struggling to find out why.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Series: Broken [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1675045
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

Just under a month ago, Spock and Jim would have cuddled in one of their rooms, under the stars. It had been exactly 5 years since they began their relationship. Nothing had ever come in between them. *Why now?* Jim thought, *Why us?*

* * *

On February 27th, as of the preferred Terran calendar, Spock and Jim has shore leave. On February 27, they had copulated endlessly (for 3.1 hours), until Jim was exhausted. On February 27, James Tiberius Kirk broke S’chn T’gai Spock’s heart.


	2. Chapter 2

“Kid, are you ok?” Bones asked gruffly, concerned about Jim’s mental health. “ I know what happened between you and Spock. I know it’s hard to let go, but sometimes you have to. I know—“

”You don’t know a damn thing!”

”Enlighten me.”

”If you want to make sure the ship is running ‘efficiently,’ trust me, it is. I have nothing to distract me from my work.”

”Was that all he was? A distraction?” Bones asked, going into full-Freudian mode

”No!... Stars, I loved him.” The last half was barely a whisper. “I loved him, but I don’t think he loved me.” For the first time during the 5 year mission, Jim cried. “I wouldn’t go so low as to beg him to come back, but I want to. I—“ his voice broke, “I got so used to him being there, that I guess I forgot how it was without him.”

Bones’ heart broke. He knew that feeling. After Jocelyn had walked out of his life, with their baby girl, he felt that pain. “It’s not going to be ok for some time, now.” That drew a wistful laugh from Jim, “You may not move on completely, but you have to accept that sometimes you can’t be with the person you need to be with the most.”

”I accepted that fact the day he said he couldn’t do this anymore. I’m afraid I’ll completely cut him out of my life if I try to move on. I sound like a masochist, but I’d rather hurt, and be able to make sure he’s ok, than to destroy what little we have left.”

”I think he’ll understand your need for space right now.”

”How long can I keep him at arms length before we fall apart? How long can we pretend like what we had never happened? How long can we walk on eggshells for?” Jim’s voice was gradually getting louder, his breath ragged.

Bones just stared at him, unable to say anything consoling. “I’m sorry,” he told Jim, and he really was.


	3. Chapter 3

Spock walked into the Mess Hall, replicating his food and then going to sit at Nyota’s table. They had a brief relationship, which hadn’t interfered with their platonic association. As Spock sat down, Nyota glanced up at him, analyzing his posture and body language. Spock was reminded of the time he spent in laboratories as a toddler, having multiple tests run on him, but Nyota’s analysis of him didn’t make him uncomfortable. Before Spock could explain his demeanor, Nyota told him, “ You can’t keep this up. You are visibly hurting because of Kirk, and, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but it interferes with your social interactions, which affect the entire crew.” Spock remained silent, his eyes on his Plomeek. “Do you want to talk? It doesn’t have to be with the counselor. You could talk to me, or someone you are more comfortable with.”

After a pregnant pause, Spock started speaking. “Jim was a nice man, and he is a caring man, but I do not think he is the right man. I care for him, but to know that he thinks little of me is... a horrifying prospect that I do not wish to deal with.”   
Nyota, and the rest of the crew, was puzzled by whatever occurred. No one knew what happened, and the betting pool was going berserk over their breakup. Wanting to understand what happened, Nyota asked, “What did he say?”

Spock gave Nyota a glance, knowing that she wouldn’t understand. “It wasn’t what he said.”

Nyota was thoroughly confused, but started to theorize. “So he ... thought something?”

”That, combined with his actions.” Spock looked younger than he was, the obvious emotion in his eyes making him look 20.

Nyota, continuing her train of thought, asked, “Was it about Pon Farr?” She knew she had ‘struck gold,’ when Spock didn’t answer. “Ok... and?”

”I explained how Pom Farr would make me little more than a beast, and his mind was utterly repulsed. It was the most uniform his mind has ever been.”   
“He’s new to relationships, so knowing that you will be in full control is... unnerving.”

”Do you not see, it’s me, not him. I am the one who will cause him distress. I am the one who will hurt him. I cannot deal with that. That was why I _had to_ end our association. Additionally, knowing that, he would not accept me in Pon Farr. I cannot rape him, for rape is unforgivable.”

”If you want to make it better, talk to him about it. That’s a start to getting to a understanding of each other.”

Spock took her advice under consideration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments (especially concrit) are appreciated.


End file.
